Entry Three | Meeting the Woman I Used to Be

Dear Friend,

When I began writing Positive Lane, I thought I would simply be remembering my life.

I did not realise how much I would feel it again.

As I started putting my story into words, I found myself meeting earlier versions of me. The young woman who wanted to do everything well. The wife and mother who believed that loving her family meant giving as much of herself as she could. The woman who became so used to being strong that she rarely stopped to ask herself what she needed.

Writing about her was not always easy. There were moments when I wanted to question her.

Why did you keep pushing yourself when you were tired? Why did you believe you had to carry so much? Why did you find it so difficult to put yourself first sometimes? Looking back at our lives with the wisdom we have today can make it easy to believe that we should have known better then.

I had to remind myself that the woman I was all those years ago did not know what I know today. She was doing the best she could with the understanding she had at that time.

Once I realised that, something changed in the way I looked at my past.

I stopped judging her and started understanding her. I understood why responsibility mattered so much to her. I understood why sacrifice felt like love. I understood why she wanted to be there for everyone and why asking for help did not always come naturally.

Most importantly, I began appreciating her.

She carried me through some of the most difficult seasons of my life. She made choices based on what she believed was right at the time. She loved deeply, tried her best, and continued moving forward even when she did not know what awaited her on the other side.

Would I make every decision the same way today?

Probably not, but that is part of growing.

Writing Positive Lane has reminded me that self-discovery is not only about understanding the person you are becoming. It is about looking back at the person you once were with greater understanding. We all have earlier versions of ourselves that we wish we had known better, spoken sooner, chosen differently, or loved ourselves a little more.

We may not need to judge those versions of ourselves. We need to thank them for getting us here. Today, when I look back at the woman I used to be, I no longer see someone I need to correct. I see a woman who was learning, becoming, and part of her that will always belong to my story.

💚 From My Heart

One of the unexpected gifts of writing this book has been learning to make peace with earlier versions of myself. I cannot change the choices I made with the understanding I had then, but I can choose how I look at them today. Healing is not about changing the past. It is about looking back with enough compassion to understand the person you were when you lived through it.

When you think about an earlier version of yourself, is there something you are ready to stop judging yourself for and begin looking at with greater understanding?

💚 Until next time… thank you for walking this lane with me.

With gratitude,

Leshma